Kepergian

assalamualaikum.
em em aku dah lama tak datang sini. yeah. busy. aku tak tahu busy apanya. nak kata belajar.... pfff. takde maknenye la kan. haha. well. the thing about the title is, my grandmother from my father's side, was gone on 18 Feb. i was like... Innalillah..

sebabnya masa cuti raya cina tuh, aku kan balik rumah. and then there was a wedding of our relatives back in my father's hometown. so kitorang balik kampung and attend the wedding. then jumpa laa dengan nenek aku, well we called her "nyai" sebab well Jawa kan.

then that was the first, and the last time she ever met Akif, my nephew, her son's grandson. aku memang suka bagi serabut ayat. bila jumpa je dia masatu, kita macam biasalah kan, salam dia, cium semua. and then my sister gave Akif to her to hold. she seems very happy, i mean something like dia bahagia dapat jumpa dengan Akif, and she cried. i never seen her cried. ever.

so i make things up like this :
.disebabkan Pa dah takde, she kind of devastated when she, his mother had the chance to met her great-grandson while my father didnt make up for it

tu lah aku punya teori. i kind of burst out that time, my Mom says " jangan nangislah mak" while she was sobbing to. manalah aku tak bergenang jugak kan. and how i've been missing Pa lately. and i was kind of hug Nyai when akak get Akif from her.

so when i was getting the text message right when i was eating masa rehat lepas kelas tuh, i burst out tears. well of course la nak nangis kan. entah kenapa aku pernah terfikir kalau benda ni terjadi, macamana aku nak hadapi. and it happened. bebudak ni terus makan dengan senyapnya, so aku decided to go to the restroom and cry. i mean lie, i cried. really hard. cause i remembered of Pa too.

and that make me rewind all over. cuba bayangkan kalaulah there was no wedding ceremony, and we ain't going back to kampung for no reason, i mean except for raya lah. memang biasanya kita balik kampung time raya je. kalau that wedding never occured, we will never met her for the last time, and the saddest part was, she will never met Akif. and when she does met, she go in peace.

bayangkan kalau kita tak balik kampung, betapa ralatnya kita bila fikirkan dia takkan jumpa Akif. means ike tak pernah. kan ralat. that's why i cried really hard. bit well, i have to let her go. it's time. she was about 94 or something when she gone. dia tak sakit pun. cuma mungkin dah sampai masa dia.

and the most thing i should've told her was, thanks for bringing a best man into this world who later make it up to be my best father ever. i should have.

Innalillahi wainna ilaihirajiun.
For both Pa and Nyai.
AlFatihah~